CONFESSION TIME!

Note: Don't read if you can't take depression and my confessions. 

I woke up in the morning feeling like this :(

It is a beautiful morning but I just don't know why, I don't have any mood for it. I've been feeling like that for quite awhile already. I am not sad but just feeling empty. Sometimes I would just go up and lock myself in my room, hug my bear and start crying for no reason. I juat can never understand why my happy days can't last long, when I feel that my sad days are over, then another sad thing will happen. The worst part is no one believes that I am going through all this just because I always look happy. 

Some people ask me why don't I find someone to talk about this? Ok, peoples! I did find someone to talk to when I was going through this last time and what I was adviced to do was to 'deal with it' or to 'ignore it'. Seriously, that won't help at all, thats why I don't find anyone to talk about this anymore.

I am really sorry 

Since young, I felt like I am never good enough for anything and anyone. I am not good in my studies, not that pretty, no music background, nothing. Everytime when I think about this, I just feel like crying. I did wonder before why am I even born? I learn how to bake, how to do cross stitch and all not because I am very free, it is because it makes me feel useful and I am happy when I am doing those stuff.

Whenever I see my friends going through a break up and they would cut themselves with a blade and have many scars on their hand the next day when they come to school. I always scold them for being stupid to hurt themselves for someone that is not worth it, but then I did do that before too. Those scars on my hand reminds me of those bad days and I really don't want to go back there.  I realize that it is when you feel pain physically then you would only know how pain is it mentally. 

I am struggling with some stuff right now.

1. Feeling guilty for complaining so much about someone. 

Ya. so for the pass feel days, I've been posting some status on facebook, complaining about this and that. I was complaining about someone and I seriously sorry for doing that. I should have understand what you were going through. I am truly sorry.

2. Scared of gaining weight.

I am just not motivated to jog these days, but I really don't want to gain weight. 

3. Care too much for others

yes, it seems like I care alot and I tend to over think when someone I talked to everyday just stoo talking to me. Maybe they are just busy but I would start thinking that it was something I did that makes them stoo talking to me.

4. Care too much about what others think about me

I may have told most of my friends that I don't care about what others think about me, but actually  I do care about it. In fact, I care quite alot about it which is a bad thing.

5. Longing to find a true friend that I can count on in everything

 I am just saying I hope to find that one friend that I can count on and share my problems with.

6. Studies!

Results are not getting better but SPM is getting closer. 

I am trying to find ways to deal with all my problems. Most of the times I will hug my teddy when I'm really not in the mood. (thx teddy)

Lastly, this post is just all about my feelings. 

sorry if I have offended you in any ways. I am blogging about it because I have no one to talk to about this.

-That's all-

-Thanks for dropping by-

Appendix. POWWOW2014. GMA. SELFIE!!!

Hey there people. I'm back here once again to blog.Sorry for not blogging for the past 5 months.

 So ya, I got my appendix surgery on 3/5/2014. Certainly didn't know how did I get it because I did not run or jump after meal. Soooo ya, I was admitted to the hospital on Saturday (3/5) afternoon, gotta skip my IR night.... Doctor came and told me that the operation is atnight and he also mentioned that I cannot eat or drink anything for the moment. Long story short, the surgery went well and I really wanna thank the doctor and nurse for taking good care of me. And of course those that made time to visit me, a big thank you to you guys. (Y)

These are the photos of my meals in the hospital

This was my breakfast on sunday.  

Fish porridge. Lipton tea. Tasteless apple juice >.<

Lunch on sunday.

The chicken and mix vege was good. (Y)

Dinner on sunday.

Lunch  on monday. 

Dinner on monday.

Believe or not, I only ate the banana for this meal.

                                   

This was breakfast on tuesday morning.

                                                 

and ya. not forgetting my hand which was poke by a needle.

believe or not, me and my mother were laughing when the

nurse poke the needle into my hand.

Thats all about Appendix i guess! After my surgery, I was on MC for two weeks. so ya, gotta skip my mid term exam. 

Next it was POWWOW! certainly a great camp, though it rained for 3 days and our tents were flooded, most of my clothes were wet. I enjoyed the games, the night service and also enjoyed having great bonding time with my friends. Thanks to the commanders that planned this camp. 

How can I FORGET! I also got my GMA on the second day of camp. Glad that I am now officially a GMA holder. A big thank you to those that help me out with my merits and encouraged me when I was about to let go.

This are some of the photos taken in camp.

Ice cream time!

Cheryl trying her best to catch nich while he was on the high rope course

                                       

Grorp photo before we left the campsite

Last but not least, a group pic of all GMA holders

Congrats everyone!

Thats about it! Thanks for dropping by.

My holiday =)

NOTE: sorry for the long post and also sorry if I have any grammer mistakes. =)

Hey guys. Haven't been blogging for a while already. Hahah. I was a little busy this holiday and to be honest with you, I was lazy too.

Anyways, I enjoyed my holiday alot. Before even school ends, I've already start skipping school and go to church and help out in adventure station. Everyday from 10-5 I will be in church, helping out and also playing with my friends at the same time. Because of VBS, I've got to know some new friends and also got closer with some of my friends such as, E, aijean, cheryl sin, indy, keith and also the little chubby josh tan. I really miss those moments we hang out after VBS. I still remember there was once that we gathered together and Andrew shared some ghost story and after that we went for dinner at the Bak Kut Teh shop nearby. We continued talking till the owner just left the tables for us outside and closed the shop. That night, I reached home at 11.58pm. WOW! :)  Although I still get to meet them every sunday, but it is just different.

And then a week after VBS was over, I joined the adventure crew for movie ( E didn't join us, he was in SG) We watched The Hobbit that day. The movie was really good, but I sat with the wrong bunch. :(

I remember on 9/12, andrew got admitted to the hospital because he got lung infection :( That night, me, E and cheryl went to visit him. HAHAHAHA. The hospital has internet!!! Me and cheryl used Andrew's laptop to watch videos on youtube while E slept on the sofa. That night we stayed there because E was having a bad headache :( 

The another night, me, keith, indy and E visited andrew again. But that  night, only indy stayed in the hospital. Me, keith and E went home.

Then then.... It was Rangers Christmas Party. We had great fun there. E and andrew were having fun pranking people with the power bank. They pranked almost all the commanders there and some rangers too, and most of them fall for it. They belived that the power bank is a phone!! HHAHAHA. :)

And then, it was caroling. That was on 23rd of Disember. Me and aijean reached there quite early, therefore we went for a drink at the nearby shop. We started talking so much, I still remember we were talking about my friend and then somehow we started talking abt friendzoning guys and all..
We talked so much that i didn't know one hour just pass... We went back to church and practise for awhile then off we go to the houses.

Next it was Christmas day. Meet up in church with my friends, we sat together. And I was busy giving out the present to my friends. After PnW, it was Christams production. It was really good, thumbs up for it. After church, we went Andrew's house for lunch. After lunch we played BANG! Its a card game anyway.

The funniest part of the game was when Andrew asked aijean
Andrew: Do u have any missed cards?
Aijean: ya, I got two missed cards.

By saying that, aijean just let all of us know what card is she having. LOL :)
After that, I went home and had KFC for dinner with my family.

And here I am now in Bukit Gambang Resort, Pahang. Will update you guys more in the next post!

Bye bye. Have a nice day =)

Examination : )

Hi guys,

Sorry didn't blog for a very long time, cuz I am having my final exams. It started on the tuesday (1/10), I sat for my sejarah paper 3 that day. All I can say about the paper is it was easy because my sejarah teacher called us to buy a reference book and everything came out from that book, so all I did was copy copy and copy for three hours. By the time I finish copying, my lower and shoulder hurted so badly.

Next, I sat for my account paper on Thursday. I guess I was too nervous, I accidentally wrote 340 into 3400, that made my untung bersih become rugi bersih, luckily I realise that mistake, but still I didn't get to.balance my account. I just felt that there wasn't enough time.

And then I sat for my B.M paper on friday. I think I am kinda satisfied of what I wrote. Thank God for kept on giving me points for my b.m essay. My right hand hurt so badly after paper one and two, I didn't even have enough strength to eat, but its food, so I rest awhile and had my lunch.

Thats all about week's exam, I'll be sitting for my economy, chinese and english paper next week, so wish me all the best :)

Bye bye

My Sunday

Yesterday was sunday, one of my favorite day in the whole week. I woke up, had my breakfast and got myself ready for church. While waiting to go out, I did my revision on accounts, and then I received a call for Teacher Sharon asking me whether can I back up in the main service. I said okay, and I ran up to my cupboard, randomly took a dress and wore it. In less than 5mins, I finished dressing myself and then I left my house.

When I reach church, Aijean and Stephanie were on stage already, I walked as fast as possible up stage and then it was PnW. I only know one out of five songs, those songs that I didn't know, I just lip sing it, it was really awkward. After PnW, me and aijean went to change our clothes, and I forgotten to bring my belt, my jeans was so lose. We went to the fellowship hall and I was hungry so I walked to Dickson to get a bread and then went to main hall to find Darren they all. They were being prayed for so me and Sam waited for them. We chatted awhile while waiting, Indy and Joshua Tan was there too. We talked about some stupid stuff.

As soon as darren they all came out, we went behind to the fellowship hall. We practise our Day 1 skit. One thing I didn't like about this years adventure station is everybody isn't as serious as last year. We are running out of time already but we haven't even start doing our props, haven't even really get serious and practice our skit. I can't do much so I will do my part and thats all.

After adv station, me and jeans went for lunch den rangers. All we did was played volleyballoon. After Indy and Sam went makan, we the girls had a match of volleyballoon with the cmdrs. Me, aijean and both cheryls were in one group while Cmdr Kwang Yew, Daniel Raj, Wei Loong and Jon Soorian were in a group. In the end, the cmdrs won. Later on, the guys played with the cmdrs. In less than 10mins, they lose to the cmdrs. And then it was guys vs girls, we girls won!!!! In between, my toes keep on cramp. After the game, we kept all our things and we went out. In a while, my brother came and I went home. Thats allllllllll.... hahahahah

Bye bye

Tresure.

Hi guys.

Today I saw something really scary but sad at the same time and I wanna share it with you guys. Today, me and my mum went up to the hair saloon which is on the third floor of the flat. We went up and I saw a guy standing outside his house and a lady, most likely is his wife, screaming at him from inside the house. I could see they both argueing. As we walk pass by them using the opposite lane, I could see the wife using something to beat the husband's hand, while the husband was begging the wife to open the gate and let him in. I reach the saloon but they wasn't anybody in. When I walk back, I saw that family argueing. I heard the husband saying something about money, guess they were argueing because of money.  Till now I can still remember the wife's crying sound, pity her!

After seeing that, I guess I learned something from that. I learn that we should tresure the people around us before is too late. For some people, they might think that money is the most important of all, but think about it again, if you have money but don't have anybody to share it with does money means anything?

I admit that there are times that I was rude to my friends and family, I promise that I will try to change that attitide.

Maybe this post may not create a big effect in your life but still I hope it does create some awareness! Till next time, bye. : )

ME!

Hi everybody, just wanna blog about ME and MYSELF! I mean I want you peoples to know me well before you guys judge me.

1) Most of the time, you guys may see me in church or in school  mixing with a bunch of guys. Before you come up to me and judge me, please take note that I love mixing with guys. I take all of them as brothers and I am already used to it because I have two brothers at home.

2) When I am quiet, sitting down there alone there will be a few possibilities. I may be sad and just wanna be alone for a moment. Or i maybe thinking of something deeply. Or I maybe just about to burst into tears. Or maybe I just wanna be quiet for a moment. But for sure, if you know me personally, I am never quiet, always talking!

3) Please! Don't you ever say that I don't take things seriously. I may look a happy go lucky person, bur still I takes serious stuff seriously. When the responsibility is given to me to do something, I will definately try my best to do it. Of course, if you are joking, I won't take it seriously.

4) I love eating. People may come up to me and call me names like 'fatty', 'fat girl' or anything else but still I don't really care about what you think about me. I personally feel that the most important is in whatever you are doing, please make sure that you are happy with it.

Those are the four things that you guys should know about me before you judge me.

Till next time guys! <3